June 8, 2006

JOURNAL OF A SOLITUDE

I love this title. I would have used it for my journal, but the diarist May Sarton used it for one of her books. Her memoirs always intrigued me. I suppose that I would have liked to write in her style, if I could have.

But either �Journey of a Solitude�, or �Journal of a Solitude�, would have suited me. I wonder if, being an �only� child, I am predisposed to have the feeling of aloneness throughout life, even when accompanied by other people�one, several, or in a crowd.

Or, is this a universal �feeling�? It is a paradox that we are born alone, die alone, and must walk a personal physical, moral and spiritual path through life. We make our own choices and are held responsible for the results. God doesn�t relate to us on the basis of our family or the group of which we are a part. Our relationship with Him is on an individual basis. It has often been said �God has no grandchildren.� Yet we live in community, hopefully as part of a family, and work in the marketplace. We are governed by community law, judged and protected by a National Constitution, and live in a society. Alone.

Does this make any sense?

It is just another one of those complicated �life issues� that causes us to �climb or die�. Once when I was going through a period of depression for a couple of years after my world seemed to have fallen apart�I heard God speak that phrase to my heart. �Climb or die.� And I knew that it was one of those �all alone choices� that I had to make. I chose to climb.

Once again, I am realizing how �alone� I am in the midst of people. My housemate of fourteen years is moving out. My daughter, son-in-law and grandson are moving in. I sit here surrounded by stripped walls, a modicum of furniture, and many packed boxes.

I not only am moving through life alone (surrounded by others), but I realize that at this time I have few possessions of my own. With the exception of my home and property. Somewhere along the line, those of others replaced most of my household furnishings. I am not going to end up with an empty home, just one that is refurnished and to some degree, remodeled. There will be new flooring, new paint, new furniture and new d�cor.

I feel as though I sit in my own little personal space, and when I stick my head outside, I will be in a brand new world.

Suddenly, it is all happening very quickly.

I am all alone, but I certainly do not feel lonely.

Now I don�t want to weird you out, but please bear with me a moment.

I don�t understand nor do I necessarily agree with certain teachings, primarily of Carl Jung, on the �Collective Unconscious�. But at contemplative moments in my solitude, there is something deeply intuitive that seems to tie my life into experience much more vast than I have ever personally lived. And NO, I am not into reincarnation. I just sometimes wonder if, as successive generations, we carry something from the experiences of former generations, even as we do family traits in our DNA.

Perhaps it is simply a God given spiritual awareness.

From the beginning of history as we are aware of it, we have known of vast throngs of peoples being moved from places of comfort, to a �strange land�. Sometimes it happened freely. Sometimes under coercion or bondage.

Mentally picture these few examples:
The ancient migrations of the people of Israel
Relocations of the peoples of Europe and Africa over the centuries
The Cherokee Nation�s �Trail of Tears�
Religious persecutions producing relocation
The westward movement of American pioneers and settlers
Even the horrors of many peoples escaping genocide

This is but the tip of the iceberg of human history.

Now what in the world is my point there? It is this. Although we are totally alone from the beginning to the end of our lives in our personal choices and growth, our relationship to God, our responses to life, and at times�just taking care of our own matters�there is something else. There is awareness that we are part of something much larger than ourselves. A movement through time. It started in Eden and goes on through history, as we know it. It�s something in which we are anything BUT alone. We are on the move. Personally, and corporately. We live in both worlds.

The struggle is to learn how not to resist in either area. How to �flow with the go� (I deliberately reversed that.) How to live in our aloneness and also in our corporate-ness. How to maintain our personal boundaries and yet be part of the solution for the �throngs� around us. Even in a very small way.

Does any of this make sense, in YOUR world?

Perhaps the Homespun Philosopher has gone off the deep end of philosophizing. But hey, that is what I do. I philosophize.

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