July 14, 2005

�A Fresh Start� Part 1

Everybody needs to have a fresh start once in a wile.

I needed one. �The Philosopher� needed one. So you haven�t heard from me for a while. Quite a while. But I�ve been thinking about you.

When I started writing �Homespun Philosopher�, my only direction was to jump into the ocean of on-line writers and get my feet wet. When I didn�t drown immediately, I took that as a sign to go a little deeper.

I knew I didn�t want to write a daily diary of the happenings of my life. As the months wore on, I realized I didn�t want to write a daily, anything.

If you have ever pushed your way into the waves a few dozen feet off shore and stared out over the water, you know that you lose your sense of direction. Sometimes when you turn around and look back at the coastline and spot a stationary signpost, you realize that you are way downstream from where you entered the water. And if you don�t find that signpost at all, you wonder just where the heck you are.

I�m the kind of person who will not start out on a journey, without a destination. I am not interested in moving, unless I have a definite place to move to. Guess I am not very exciting. I want to be a �safe� kind of gal.

I began to discover crosscurrents and little rip tides in my thoughts as I wrote. Sometimes I almost lost my balance.

But not me�I�m the �safe kinda gal�, remember? So I tried to write as honestly as possible, without risk. But I have been inspired by a blogger, Real Live Preacher whom I have been reading for about a year now. I don�t always agree with some of his opinions. And I often feel like he uses a little profanity just for shock value. But I am challenged by, and envious of�his freedom to do so.

Because he is unabashedly a minister of the Gospel.

He is just sick and tired of pretense and religiosity. I suppose I am too. �Religious� people make me nervous. Truly spiritual people do not. Because they act natural. I don�t think Jesus acted weird. Street people enjoyed his company. In fact, when he was in a crowd, sometimes people had to ask, �Where is he? Which one?�

So in order to keep from seeming �religious�, I have often watered down my writing and walked away from one of my personal freedoms. (Voluntarily! That is the dumb part.) �Freedom of expression."

Lord knows, we are having too many of our freedoms taken away from us these days without voluntarily giving some of them up.

It all goes back to some things I have never mentioned in my journal. You know, the proverbial �light hidden under the bushel thing�? That�s me. And I sat on top of the upside-down basket, elbows on knees, chin in hands, holding it firmly in place.

You may not have thought so, because I always have tried to inspire and show some truth in my philosophizing. But only God and I know how many times I stopped short of saying anything that might create sides on an issue. I am not planning to create any issues now, either. (Planning is the operative word here.) I just want to allow myself the freedom to do so if I so choose.

�Woe to you when all men speak well of you,� is a truth I need to keep in mind. Why? Because that focus keeps me from being true to myself. And, in reality, all men will not speak well of any of us. We deceive ourselves if we think so.

Oh yeah, what was the thing I have never mentioned in my journal? Well, when I was still a young mother of three small children, I began to realize that I had probably dropped out prematurely from a liberal arts Bible College in Tennessee, in order to get married. As the years passed, I found myself doing a lot of teaching and speaking for women�s church groups and Christian women�s luncheons all over southern California.

When my youngest became a teenager, I went back to a local Bible school, graduated valedictorian of my class, fulfilled the necessary prerequisites and became a licensed minister. With that and about $3.50 you can get a great cuppa coffee these days.

Immediately they asked me to come back and teach a few classes at the Bible School for a couple of years. I was asked to be on the Executive Area Board of the southwestern area of an international Christian women�s organization. I resigned that to serve on the staff of a local church as the Minister of Women, and Counseling Director. It was a great season in my life.

Then the seasons changed. They do that you know. My whole world hit the fan (which is another LONG story.) I didn�t even ask God what my marching orders were. I knew. One thing I am blessed with is common sense.

I had to make a living on my own for the first time. The sequence of events, which followed, proved my theory that �God Is Previous�. No matter what befalls us in life, God got there first and prepared the way. I could write a book on this. (Probably wouldn�t sell, �but I could write it.)

But somehow through all this restructuring of my life, I took much (not all) of who I was and crammed it under that bushel.

I just think it�s time to lift the edge and peek under it a bit.

Why am I writing this? So you can think differently of me? Absolutely not. But so that you might be able to understand me a little better and know where I am coming from.

The worst thing happens when people find out you are, or ever were�"a minister.� They get all weirded out. I promise not to do that, if you don�t. Hey, that was a long time ago. I�m just an old retired grandma now.

But I still have a lot to philosophize about.

I recently read this in �Real Live Preacher�: �I'm changing and being changed. I have no idea where all this is going.�

Actually that is the story of my life. Changing and being changed. And I wouldn�t have it any other way.

Justathot:
This morning on the �Today� show, Matt Lauer was interviewing Jack Nicholas regarding his imminent retirement from professional golf. Jack mentioned his future plans as a golf course designer, and Matt commented: �There will be no problem for filling your days.�

My �word-catcher� brain heard the remark a little differently, and with richer meaning for my own life. What I heard him say was: �There will be no problem fulfilling your days.�

That is my hope. I don�t know if there was a roadmap handed me when I came into this world�.a pre-planned design for my life. Who really knows that? But most of us have a sense of purpose and a desire for lasting accomplishment. I want to stay on course, so that I have no problem fulfilling my days.

(To Be Continued)

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