April 23, 2003 12:55 P.M.

Bottom �O The Mornin� To Ya!

This morning (late), I opened up my favorite message board and was greeted with an ebullient �Top of the Morning to Y�all!�

Now, if I had not been aware that the writer is a very sincere, upbeat, and gracious gentleman, I would have probably felt like removing the �e� prefix, and the �ient� suffix from the word �ebullient�, �and�well, you get the point.

I wrote back and asked, �Is there such a thing as the BOTTOM of the morning?�

That's when "I" normally surface.

And then...even at the bottom of the morning, it takes me about an hour to know where I am and get up enough nerve to look outside and see what kind of daylight we have out there.

It is a good thing I don't drink. I have a built-in hangover without it.

I have always known that I was a second class citizen, simply because I wake up on the second shift. The world (especially the business world...) loves an early riser. It�s not fair. You know, �The early bird gets the worm!�, and all that guilt inducing propaganda.

It doesn�t help any that all the rest of the United States has been �up and at it��sometimes for hours�when we prop our eyelids open out on the West Coast.

I have friends in Florida that call me at what they think is a reasonable hour, - say 12:30 P.M. their time. Now I just finally fell into REM sleep at about 2:A.M., and the phone at the head of my bed startles me awake. (I will let you figure out what time it is where I am, but I have NO intention of busting up my dream, just yet.)

It takes three coughs and much clearing of the throat, just to release a sound from my vocal chords, and then it sounds like I am MUCH older than I actually am. So I am left to worry all morning about what �they think of me�. Still in bed at that hour of the day!

Before I retired from my job, I often tried to make a deal with my boss...that I would work a 10 to 7 shift.

He was an early riser. He didn't go for it!

I have observed that all of the successful people in the world are early risers. I mean, did you ever have a boss who slept in? I figure that they either stay overnight at the office to catch you coming in late, or they have a limo that picks them up about 5:A.M. with a built in shower and a shaving mirror.

It has been scientifically proven that everyone has an internal body �clock� � which they can resist by working the wrong shift, if circumstances require that they do so. But they will NEVER totally change their �clock�s settings.�

Early risers do not understand this at all. They just wonder, disdainfully, WHY YOU CAN�T GET UP IN THE MORNING!. Just go to bed earlier, right?

Yeah right! If you want to lie and look at the ceiling for hours.

One thing we have going for us. We get to watch a lot of �Nick at Night�.

Sweet dreams. Think I will go take a nap. (Oh, - could that be my problem?!?)

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